squirrel away...

difficult client

I'm currently dealing with a client from hell.  Basically she's the reason why they invented the word "bitch" because nobody embodies the word better than she does.  Unfortunately her company is one of our big clients, so I have no choice but to put up with her antics, especially in this economy, even though I just want to reach across the phone or computer screen to slap her every time I communicate with her.

She thinks she's the shit and knows everything, but she's really not that smart.  Sometimes I wonder why she even bothers hiring outside counsel when at the end, no matter what we say, she goes her own way.  For this particular transaction, she's basically paying a six-figure bill to have a bunch of lawyers follow her orders and the privilege of being rude to them.

The bitch just emailed me to inform me that she wants to have a discussion with me tomorrow a.m. -- and by a.m., she meant her a.m., and she's in freakin' Europe, meaning that I have to get up at crack of dawn to have the privilege of speaking to her on the phone.  And I don't know what is there to "discuss" because the word "listen" does not exist in her vocabulary.  Every time we have a phone conference, we'd offer our advice, but she'd just cut us off and ramble on with her own ideas; when she's done talking, she'd hang up before we could even respond. 

Clearly she doesn't need lawyers, she needs doctors.

summer lunch

A few associates and I took the summers to lunch today.  We went to Petrossian, the Russian/French restaurant near Columbus Circle that's famous for caviar.  I'm not a big fan of caviar, so I opted for some foie gras instead, and they were to die for -- fresh, creamy and rich.  I know it's inhumane to force feed a goose, but I can't help it -- I love foie gras and will continue eating it unless it's banned. 

There was a Shanghainese summer associate at lunch who was super-annoying.  While everyone feasted on caviar, foie gras, smoked salmon, duck confit, gazpacho and warm homemade bread, she ate a half of a salad because she wants to watch her figure.  Then she skipped dessert when everyone else on the table ordered one.  Her loss, I guess, because the  food was delicious. 

On a sidenote, I found out today that Woody Allen and Mia Farrow's son -- Ronan Farrow -- was a summer associate at our firm last year.  Apparently he's some child prodigy who graduated from Yale Law School at 16.  Of course he didn't accept our offer to return -- I mean, why would he?  If my Dad is Woody Allen,  I'd certainly find better things to do with my life than wasting it in some BigLaw sweatshop.    

There's this Chinese American associate at my firm who came here when she was five and therefore speaks very little Chinese.  She's my year, and I recently did a couple of deals with her.  Cute girl.

Last week, after I complained to her about an obnoxious associate on our deal team, she responded in her broken Chinese: "这里的人看上去很友善，其实都是假的."

Then today, I was at lunch with her and another Chinese associate.  We were gossiping (in English) how the firm recently let go some very competent lawyers and wondering what kind of bogus reasons the partners had to come up with to justify firing them.  At this point she switched to Chinese and said: "欲加之罪，何患无辞."

I have to say that as broken as her Chinese is, she hit the nail on the head on both occasions.